I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
