I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
