stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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