Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
