Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
