so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
