thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
