i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my mouth tastes like poor choices
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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