everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My vagina just clenched in fear
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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