Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
