dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
