Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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