i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
