Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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