the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
