Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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