my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
