when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
