I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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