Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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