Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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