You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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