if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
