Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize