careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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