sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
