THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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