Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
