i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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