NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Drunk is a universal language darling
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize