wrigley field is MILF paradise
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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