3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
