I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
