Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
