dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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