I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize