I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's never too late to be topless.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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