You smell like a Billy Joel song
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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