dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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