I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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