You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just puked most of my soul out..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
