We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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