Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
