I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
