Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
