I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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