God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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