Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
