I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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