Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Say something about gay babies.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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