You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
