peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
