This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
