I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
