dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
they're like a gay fantastic four
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
