great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
