Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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