True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
