very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
