Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
