and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
