no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize