I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
