Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
