She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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