my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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