The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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