Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
