Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
