You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
