Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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