I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
