hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
