Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
