It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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