Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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